Okay before I start let’s make one thing clear. Seedy Sonics is ALL about underground dance music. This is list is in NO way representative of what we are about at Seedy Sonics and is not the views of Seedy Sonics as a whole, just one rogue member with a weak spot for cheesy nonsense. I know I shouldn’t like any of these tracks, and when asked by most people I’d say I actually hate them. But in truth I’ve enjoyed every single one of them at some point this year. I feel like a naughty catholic in a confession box with some seedy priest even admitting this, so here we go.
5. LMFAO – Party Rock Anthem
As far as a name for anything goes, ‘LMFAO’ is about the lowest common denominator bullshit I can think of. Closely followed by the disgustingly generic ‘Party Rock Anthem’. Add to that some cringy rapping, a chorus that makes me want to repeatedly smash my head against a wall and overly uplifting chords that could have been written by a deaf 5 year old, I’m actually starting to wonder why this track is even on this list. O ye, the dirty dutch inspired drop that would sound so good in any Afrojack or Chuckie tune and makes my head automatically bop everytime I hear it on daytime radio. Oh the shame!
4. Benny Benassi feat. Chris Brown – Beautiful People
Since producing the ground-breakingly sick ‘Satisfaction’, it is fair to say Benny Benassi has been living off past glories. Meanwhile it’s a miracle that Chris Brown is even allowed to release music anymore, and a shame on society in general that anyone is actually willing to spend money on it. After all, we all know what Chris Brown does to beautiful people! Once again, cheesy overly uplifting chords is order of the day and lyrics so meaningless its an insult to the English language. Yet again though, when the drop comes on daytime radio the urge to throw my hands in the air and scream like some drugged up idiot takes over. Yes, I am ashamed.
3. Flux Pavillion – Bass Cannon
As a fan of real dubstep, as in the dark, moody bass heavy vibes I used to put my hood up to and pretend I was a rudeboy at clubs like Plastic People & The Custard Factory, I’ve recently been boring people to death with my views about ‘brostep’ bullshit. So it’s easy to imagine my surprise and disgust at hearing this ‘omg this is so filthy yah’ screechy bollocks being blasted out on Chris Moyles’s breakfast show. Yet every time I hear it I can’t help but want to jump around like an absolute tool, and maybe even ‘mosh’. O dear!
2. Swedish House Mafia – Save The World
After the success of SHM’s banger ‘One’ last year (before the totally past it Pharrell did his best to ruin it forever), I actually thought that against the odds they might release some credible and decent music this year. Disappointed doesn’t even begin to describe my feelings when listening to ‘Save The World’. An extremely average production with some half-arsed auto-tuned cheesy male vocal on top wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for. Yet over 6 months later, I still find that annoying guys vocal creeping into my head, and the Knife Party remix is hidden away in my CD wallet for when my crowd pleasing instincts get the better of me but I can’t bring myself to be responsible for dropping the original mix. Please don’t judge me!
1. Calvin Harris feat. Kelis – Bounce
Okay my hatred for Calvin Harris is probably a little over the top and unjustified. However every single bit of music he’s released, every answer he’s given in an interview and just everything about the guy makes me angry. Kelis, on the other hand, I’ve always liked. Her music might not be totally up my street but she is very hot and a couple songs like ‘Milkshake’ & ‘Millionaire’, not exactly anything special, are hardly disgraceful either. Unfortunately for me, Kelis’s involvement in this track is fairly minor and isn’t really what makes it good at all. Calvin Harris has just nailed the beat, a nice summer vibe that immediately brings me back to floating around in a sun-kissed Ibiza swimming pool surrounded by beauty. I tried so hard not to like it but it’s only made me like it even more. Damn you Calvin and your excellent production skills!
So there you have it. Narrowly missing the cut were Chase & Status ‘Blind Faith’, Calvin & Rihanna ‘We Found Love’ and the truly dreadful LMFAO ‘Sexy & I Know It’. Maybe in a few months I’ll grow to like them in some twisted sense, but for the time being they are just plain shit.
I’ll leave you with this observation, which anyone dumb enough to actually click the links above might have noticed. These 5 tracks between them have amassed over 100million youtube views! The shame is now so unbearable I’m going to go find a 4-hour minimal techno set to cleanse myself of this shit with. Merry xmas!